A sleepless night

Unable to fall into sleep, and decide to write something ... just something, and don't even have an idea what I should write about.

Looking back to the past and compare to what a person am I now, I think it must be quite different. My social circle is getting smaller, and never been a time I feel so unmotivated to meet new people. I still truly cherish the real friendship, but most the time just prefer to retreat to my own safe haven.

I probably have verdict my own achievement, that is, man, this is that far you can reach. Was doing well in the school, and after work for many years, suddenly find out how an average Joe I am. I am just no more than an ordinary man that you can find on the street everyday. I'm not complaining, it's never my wish to be a great person. I'm just, without knowing it, becoming someone corrupted, a materialistic guy.

Our man talk is always revolving how to make more money, dirty jokes, and the glorious past. The only thing that connect me to the younger time is the weekend badminton session. That's the time I feel like a boy, may be that's the reason I am so passionate about the game, my adrenalin run high is one thing, that's also the bridge to my distant past.

No doubt my family mean a lot of thing to myself. Becoming a man is about responsibility. I will be more and more familiar about this midlife crisis. The fear of losing job, losing hair, losing health grow everyday... :) No, I'm not complaining, I'm just too pampered in the past, who feel a bit nervous when need to shoulder this responsibility. I guess my best friend's death in a way also wake me up that I realize this is real life, this is not a dream. The life is never been so real.

You know, sometimes you will just feel like asking yourself the meaning behind all this. And this is the night. I remember this conversation with this interesting old man. He is considering to embrace Christianity, he is very frank that facing death without knowing what's laying ahead is quite dreadful. He doubt the existence of the god, and it's not his character to believe in the religion in our convention world. However, when someone grow older, religion is like the wood for you while in you were floating in the middle of ocean. I'm very click with his view, and surprisingly know someone is having the same line of thought as me. I am not come to the stage yet, but I guess what I may walk his path one day :)

It's late in night now, tomorrow is another day.